Little Frolick

The aim of life is to live and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. - Henry Miller.

breathe in

i am back at my parents' place visiting my family after an entire month of not seeing them. strangely enough i feel so comfortable here and i miss it a lot actually. i miss the dust, the crazy estate, parents who are so nice it is scary sometimes, sisters who always have something new going on in their lives and a brother who has something to say about everything. ah, love it. but not enough to live at home.

the week before was just miserable really, had a lonely saturday and a stoner sunday, followed by weekday after weekday of utterly ill people at work (then there were the patients) and i just knew i needed a good laugh. went out to play pool with some colleagues and i suck so bad at it, saw my friend's baby who is now 1 and so cute and now i'm at home. ah, the comfort of non-strangers. this weekend i don't want to be alone.

 i also feel that the time is ripe for another tattoo. i want to get one on the proximal 1/3 of the posterior aspect of my forearm. it'll be vines and maybe some bizarre quote vaguely referencing the transient nature of life. hah. something poser like.

just what am i living for i wonder?

 

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posted by: crysalis at 22:33 | link | comments |

hate me - blue october

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say you that love me just to put in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
And in a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes bright and I held your face in my hand
And then fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like is used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

posted by: crysalis at 21:57 | link | comments |

You are not crazy

July 28, 2006
Losing It
You Are Not Crazy

Most of us feel a little crazy from time to time. Periods of high stress can make us feel like we're losing it, as can being surrounded by people whose values are very different from our own. Losing a significant relationship and moving into a new life situation are other events that can cause us to feel off kilter. Circumstances like these recur in our lives, and they naturally affect our mental stability. The symptoms of our state of mind can range from having no recollection of putting our car keys where we eventually find them, to wondering if we're seeing things clearly when everyone around us seems to be in denial of what's going on right in front of their eyes. For most of us, the key to survival at times like these is to step back, take a deep breath, and regain our composure. Then we can decide what course of action to take.

Sometimes a time-out does the trick. We take a day off from whatever is making us feel crazy and, like magic, we feel in our right mind again. Talking to an objective friend can also help. We begin to see what it is about the situation that destabilizes us, and we can make changes from there. At other times, if the situation is particularly sticky, we may need to seek professional help. Meeting with someone who understands the way the human mind reacts to stress, loss, and difficulty can make us feel less alone and more supported. A therapist or a spiritual counselor can give us techniques that help bring us back to a sane state of mind so that we can affect useful changes. They can also mirror our basic goodness, helping us to see that we are actually okay.

The main purpose of the wake-up call that feeling crazy provides is to let us know that something in our lives is out of balance. Confirm for yourself that you are capable of creating a sane and peaceful reality for yourself. Try to remember that most people have felt, at one time or another, that they are losing it. You deserve a life that helps you thrive. Try and take some steps today to help you achieve more balance and a little less crazy.

posted by: crysalis at 15:40 | link | comments |

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