Little Frolick

Sunday, 27 November 2005

xmas shopping

It's been such a pleasant week so far, as usual it's always a challenge not to begin identifying myself as being merely a human vacuum cleaner. sucking out people's phlegm all day everyday for about 11 months does something to you. exactly what, i am not quite sure. i just know that i yearn for the company of healthy and young human beings every weekend; sickness and seeing people on the brink of death day in and out is misery. so friday i got off work and went shopping. ah, such joy in retail therapy. i always get plagued with pangs of guilt when i shop though; feeling so powerless to the charms of capitalism - i don't suppose buying pretty underwear is an excusable indulgence? Une Nana Cool was just too pretty to resist and i ended up spending just enough there to get given a $180 spa voucher; and you know, it's never enough getting just one spa voucher - i now have two! gonna be blissed out during christmas i think.

got myself a new mobile phone too; and i'm now the proud owner of a SIEMENS lady's phone; which has a display that turns into a mirror with just the touch of a button. hee hee. exactly what a girl needs:

it's now sunday and i am sitting in my kitchen having a cup of Moccona Indulgence coffee that G kindly brought over from Perth for me; no other instant coffee tastes as good. Yum. Metric is playing in the background and their Live it out album is growing on me rapidly. Last night i tagged along to a friend's house party and met so many people from so many places - and the company was as varied as the beer in the fridge - or vice versa?

Being single and free is good and exactly what i need right now; but so often after the party is over and all that's left are empty beer cans and spills i wish i had someone i could crawl home to; or with. I've been told so many times how i am a good catch and it's easy to meet and make friends but my god, i think my heart is as plump as a shrivelled prune with nothing left to give. sometimes it feels like a million stitches have been sewn on it and each extra happy thump only serves to remind me that the scars exist. No, i do not still love him; and it has become a prerogative to tell myself that my memories of the past were all probably untrue, that my sense of the reality we shared was just a bunch of confused thoughts and false impressions. It is a responsibilty of mine to make sure i know that he was never good for me and nor i for him. to keep my heart stolen away in a steel cage and protect myself from being hurt again by words, words, accusations. and to STOP spitting out spite to him too.

I only have one day of the week without work and it's getting me down - i wish i had more time to myself and to be alive. i feel that the 8 hours everyday i spend at the hospital is like a trap; no end in sight yet. but i plan and i know i will get out of here. in 4 years i may just be in Europe or Hawai'i.

My dad's retiring in January next year; and i do hope that he manages to find something to occupy his mind with. It's such a young age to retire though; but i guess the work stress has become unbearable for him.